Creativity

Recently i've been very creatively inclined. I've been looking back to my high school design classes and all of the drawing i did as a kid and i miss the simplicity of it all. Now as i grow up and try to design new things or use photoshop in the ways i once did i am horribly out of place. I feel as though not only my abilities to create works of art but my ability to imagine works things have died or been squashed.

I don't know why it is on this topic i have finally decided to post but it was the most pressing thing that came to mind. Recently i have been coloring, painting, and drawing with the hopes that something would come back to e of the times when it was fun. When i used to sit for hours before the tv not watching but listening as i would draw, make hoodies out of safety pins, or whatever. I miss those times. I don't know. it just feels like something has changed and all i want to do is go back to how it was before.

Don't get me wrong i love my wife and that aspect of my life couldn't be going better for me. (for her i know i could improve on my workings.) But in the rest of my life it feels somehow diminished. Like the joy i once had is gone now and replaced with bitterness and anger. I push it away and ignore it in some aspects like people had told me to, but that doesn't make it go away.

It gets worse. when the mere thought of someone brings a flood of anger and what could only be described as hatred. Things i don't want and am pleading with God to rid me of. But they don't seem to go away. Maybe it's not going to go away but I'm not giving up. I started a new Bible study about Joseph. Specifically the forgiveness and integrity he has in the face of great opportunities for anger and hatred. God willing this will help. Until then the battle rages...