Most of you probably don't know that for the last 6 months at least I have been drifting. Drifting from the beliefs and faith I have had for so long. Walking away from that leading which brought me to Japan. God in his infinite grace wouldn't let me completely turn around and walk but he did let me back track a little to see what I would be missing.
These last few months have been busier than any I can remember in my life. But not quite busy enough to keep me from thinking about everything that has happened in the last year. I began questioning everything I could get my mind upon; my faith, my work, my hopes and future. Not all of it to the detriment of my life but for a long while it seemed that way.
I was looking ahead to the future but walking backwards towards the darkness that is always behind me. I couldn't see that that darkness was hurting me and pulling me away from that which is most important in my life. I wasn't looking towards where I was going, I was looking to the light and wondering why I didn't have it. Around new years or the first of February, it's hard to pin-point, I figured it out. I wasn't trying. I was expecting God to do all my work, to work in my life in the ways I wanted Him to. I was ignoring Him.
The last months have been awful because of my ignorance. Not only in my knowledge of not knowing what is happening but my ignoring God in my life. I was hopeless.
Thankfully for me I wasn't as hopeless as i thought. At least not in the eyes of my love. Katrina has been ever trying to lead me back. I saw what she was doing but for the longest time didn't think I needed it. I was ignoring not only God's callings but hers as well. She has been actively seeking for how to pray for me. And her prayers have been answered. I have found my faith again buried beneath all my rejection and ignorance. She fought for me and with God's help... saved me.
Now, it's my turn to fight. I have seen the ways she is fighting and am adopting them for her. I want to be the warrior my wife can depend upon. And all I need to to that is the training. So, I reach out to my Sensei and work with him to do everything I cannot do alone. I pray, I plan, I work, and do all for her and those whom God has called me to love.
This year will be different. I will be working with the best motivator at my side who uplifts, encourages, protects, guides, strengthens, endures, and loves. I will do everything through Christ who strengthens me.
And so, my prayers go out to you. Keep my accountable. Here is what I want to do this next year. I will be busier than ever before but I will be doing what I what made to do.
To do list:
Connect with the missionaries in Kanto at least twice a month
Play and have the 40 days Bible study as often as possible
Pray for my wife
Be active in ministry
Work and support my pastor
Tell every student about the love of Jesus
and more...
