2:38 AM

It's 2:38 am and i'm still awake. The reason? I'm waiting. For what? I'm not sure exactly but I am indeed waiting for something. Recently in my life here in Japan I have been feeling like i've come here to do what the Lord had planned for me to do. That being to meet the woman of my dreams, fall in love, and get married. All of which i've done.

Now my plan for coming to Japan was to come and serve the Lord by trying to lead people to Him. And i still intend to do so but recently my feeling of having something to accomplish has left me. My person is a fractured thing. Looking right and left for direction. Begging God to give me an idea of what to do next. Looking not only to the immediate future of what lessons should I teach but to the distant future of, "Am I supposed to be a church worker?", "Was God really calling me to be a pastor?", and "How do i reach my students?". Questions I can't even begin to guess the answers to.

This blog was imagined to be a place to further update my supporters as to what is happening in Japan. However, right now i can't tell what is happening. The occurances in Japan are God's doing and for the time being, invisible to my eyes. I'm not saying things aren't happening and i'm not saying i should see the results of my work in spiritual matters. I'm saying i'm lost.

I've spoken to a few people about my feelings and one of them suggested it's an attack. A way for satan to use my own doubts and fears to lead me away from the things i'm supposed to be doing. Katrina and I were talking about my questions and fears that have arisen lately and she asked what my spiritual gifts are? I couldn't answer. I didn't know. I don't know. LAst year at fall retreat i took a test which is kind of a test to tell what kind of gifts you specialize in or what type of ministry gifts you have. The two that i was highest in were servant and mercy. I think.

I wonder if i took the test again what kinds of results i would get? I also wonder where my spiritual gifts lie because i doubt that uncertainty is a spiritual gift.

I know some of you are going to look at this and get worried or freak out. and to be honest i'm right there with you. I talk, sometimes, about having my faith in my head rather than in my heart and hope that this time is a way to connect them. I can't seem to work it out logically so that takes my brain out of it. I'll just have to rely on God for the rest of the results. I appreciate any prayers to that effect.

With hope in Christ.

Not so consistent

I honestly wanted to try and be more consistent with my postings, however, it seems like my desires and my actions aren't in sync yet.

Recently, I have felt the strong desire to be doing something for God. Now many people would ask, "Being a missionary isn't enough for you?" And I would have to tell them no. It's doing things that are so beneath the surface that I can't see the progress. Maybe this is all in God's plan for me but maybe it isn't. My heart longs to see those I've come to love here baptized and seeking God's face. Two men especially.

One of my teaching sites has a man who is very interested in Christianity. He hasn't expressed interest in becoming baptized yet but there's a part of me that feels like it's only a matter of time. His name is Hiro and if you wouldn't mind, please pray that the knowledge and love of our Savior enter his heart and mind as soon as possible.

The other man has never been my student in the traditional class sense but is very much my student now, just as I am his. I met this man through my fiance' Katrina. He was one of her students and from the start he seemed to pull me in his direction. However with this student it doesn't feel as much like an eventuality as a battle for the Lord. I can see the struggles on his face and many people will agree that once he becomes Christian it would be the type that is gung-ho and moving forward. I can see the strength in him and pray that God bursts it from his being into this world. I love him dearly and to see his struggles pains me to no end. Pray that my friend be uplifted by God and led to Jesus his Savior.

Another thing I have been noticing in Japan lately is a spiritual attack. Not only on myself but on the other missionaries located in Tokyo. I say tokyo because the attack seems to be focusing on us rather than those missionaries in Niigata. (not to say their lives are free from struggle or trials of their own.) I have been struggling with a pull to drink after classes have finished. Not because they have gone poorly or I have been frustrated but because it's a vice that exists. I've been told it's been rooted to the place I live in the past so I'm not encouraged by the signs. Another missionary has been afflicted with headaches. So not only are we being attacked with laziness and exhaustion but physical pain and frustrations. Please pray for all he missionaries as they struggle against the devil and his schemes.

However, there are times when I feel God is calling me to do things in a more progressive way. In talking with a friend she was helping lead me to create a clearer vision for some of the loose ideas floating around in my head. I still don't know how to put them into action but they are developing and God willing will be amazing opportunities to show God's power in this place.

I feel like there's so much left to say and yet my tongue is tied and my mind blank with expressions. What comes to mind instead is a movie quote which talks about being "beset on all sides." Yet, though the struggle is fierce we do not give up because our hope is in the Lord.

Long times...

Ok, so when I said coming soon what I meant was coming in a month.  And in a little less than a month here is the update.  I have begun teaching and so far I'm liking it.  I teach at Takenotsuka Lutheran church 3 days a week: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday.  On Thursday I teach at Ikegami.  Last month was also a difficult month for me because my fiance' Katrina left to go back to America.  It was and is difficult to react to this new experience.

So far teaching has been very enjoyable for me. for someone who left the education program because he didn't want to teach it's going surprisingly well.  I love my students and with very few exceptions I like being able to teach them new things.  I'm most excited about my adult classes though.

At Ikegami I have 2 adult classes and two Bible studies.  The later adult class has one student in particular who is very excited about the Bible and what it teaches.  Each week he comes with good questions and a desire to read and learn about God.  He impressed me so much with his desire to learn that I bought him a bible in Japanese so that he can study the whole work instead of only the new testament.

My Takenotsuka students have really been encouraging also.  Especially my Friday afternoon class.  While all of my students have asked questions and expressed interest in both the christian faith and my personal view of what Jesus means to me.  However, my Friday class has expressed this interest along with borrowing a book called the Manga Messiah.  This book is basically the first four books of the New Testament in comic book format.  This is a great way to reach Japanese people because comic books or manga is a big part of their culture.  

Anyways, over the past two weeks 5 out of 6 of my students have borrowed this book.  Last week we had a discussion in class all about what it means to be a Christian and the differences between Protestants and Catholics.  Now, many of you know how difficult these things are to explain in English.  Now, imagine trying to explain them in a language that it not your own.  It's very difficult work but I'm so glad to do it.  They're interested in the differences between religions and as such next week we will be talking about mormons and how they view Jesus.  I desperately ask for your prayers in regards to this class.  They seem to be drawn to Christ and I know it's only because of the work that Christ is doing through me.  

For now that's my update but I'll try to be more consistent with my posting once I get internet installed in my apartment. 

Update coming soon!!

Another day another rain storm.

My pattern continues, describing my life in japan as the rain falls softly outside.  I just wanted to take the time to point out some of the little things I notice and love about this nation.

Observation 1:  Whenever it rains the umbrella's come out.  In America people use umbrella's for the typical rain storm but only a select few would actually use them on a regular basis.  In Japan the nation blossoms into a sea of umbrellas.  From black and blue to multi-colored patterns and florals.  Everyone in Japan seems to have an umbrella and more than likely several umbrellas stashed around the nation in any number of locations for easy usage.  Here at center we have a closet dedicated to umbrellas left behind.  I used one today in fact to get from where I was to where I was headed.  They even have umbrella vending machines!!!  It's awesome!

Observation 2:  Pastors in Japan are amazing in my mind.  They have a ridiculous amount of work and stress, more so than I've ever heard of in the U.S. and they keep on going.  Here they have to transition every few years because of the lack of pastors and money and various other things.  However, with all the stresses, one of my favorite aspects of the pastors in Japan is the way they worship.  Specifically the way they offer their gifts to God.  In America you rarely ever see the pastors put their offering into the offering plates.  Here the pastors put in an offering every Sunday.  Not that they do it to be seen or to show the people what it is like to tithe, but to give their tithe to God for his blessings.  They casually slide their offerings into the baskets and go on with their worship.  I don't know what it is about this simple act of faith but it fills me up inside.

Observation 3: This one is considerably less common than the others because this one comes from a very specific situation.  One Sunday the pastor at Center Church was giving out communion.  It so happens he was recently told about Katrina's and my engagement.  As we went up for communion we ended up square in the middle of the group!  As we walked up you could see him fight to suppress laughter.  As we awaited communion we had to fight hard not to laugh ourselves, but it just got better.  Once he had handed us the bread of life he stopped and asked us whether or not he could announce it to the church afterwards?!?!?  At this point there was no point in trying to suppress laughter because a chuckle was impossible not to be let out.  We consented and he moved on.  Both Kat and I loved the fact that he stopped and asked if he could tell people, he was the first to do so, but more than that, the fact that he asked us during communion is amazing!!  Something that would be unheard of in the U.S.  

It's nice to know that even amidst the seriousness of church there can be time for personal interaction.  I love the church in Japan and cannot wait to see where God has planned for me to go once I have graduated Japanese class...if I can.  :P